Harry Potter And The Pink Bunny
by Silk644
Summary: Improved version of the first book. Plain parody.


Disclaimer: everything belongs to J.K Rowling

Haraldmeus Potty And The Pink Bunny

The Boy Who Loves Pink

Mr and Mrs Dursley, who lived at Private Drive four, were proud to say that they were completely normal. Sure, Mr Dursley loved climbing up to the roof and singing Christina Aguilera and Mrs Dursley dragged the family pet penguin called Nutcracker everywhere with her, they were normal. Totally normal.

Mr Dursley worked for Mayor. He was very proud of his job as a backdoor doormat.

Mrs Dursley collected condoms. She already had three; cola-tasting one, strawberry one and a nicely squeezing one.

They also had a son, called Donkey. Donkey was the best son un the entire world.

The Dursleys had everything they wanted (except a new TV but they'd buy it next week ), but they also had a dark secret, which they hoped would never come out.They were afraid that someone would find out about the Pottys.

Mrs Potty was Mrs Dursleys sister, but Petunia pretented that her sister didn't exist, because the Pottys were just so non-dursleyish as possible. (Which propably wasn't such a bad thing.)

Dursleys knew that Pottys had a son, which was just another good reason to stay away from them. They didn't want Donkey associating with that brat.

It was a sunny Tuesday morning on that unusual day when our story begins. Vernon Dursley was singing Dirrrty while choosing his favourite shirt for work. For some reason his shirts were a bit worn out.

Petunia was chatting joyfully trying to feed Donkey. Neither of them noticed the huge fish flying past their window.

9.30 Mr Dursley grabbed his scooter and stepped out from the door. There he saw the first weird thing; a turkey reading a touristguide. He shook his head and looked again the turkey was just staring at him. He kicked some speed and left.

He was lying on his stomach on his usual spot when he saw some people wearing tights and huge sweaters. He just hated people who dressed up in freaky clothes. People should dress like his family, he was wearing a bright yellow shirt with black shorts and a black tie.

He turned around so he wouldn't have to look at them. Or the several fishes flying and all the people staring at them. He heard few words of their conversation:

"The Pottys, yes I heard that-"

"-exactly, their son, Haraldmeus-"

Mr Dursley froze. Fear ran through him. He should tell his wife. No, he was being stupid. Potty is not that unusual name. There's propably lots of Pottys with a son called Haraldmeus. There was no reason to upset his wife.

Five o'clock in the afternoon he took his scooter and left home he immediately bumbed to someone. The old man nearly fell. He was wearing a huge dark purple sweater with lilac tights.

"Sorry" mumbled Vernon. The old man just smiled and hugged him.

"Don't apologize, because The-Spooky-Dude is gone and even muggles like you should celebrate!" then the old man took a hike.

Mr Dursley froze. A strainger had just hugged him. And called him a muggle. Whatever that means. He kicked the ground and made his way to his yard. There he saw something not-exactly-pleasent; the same turkey sitting on his fence.

"Get lost, will you!" The turkey just looked at him angry. Mr Dursley grumbled something and went inside.

Petunia had spent a lovely, normal day. She, Donkey and Nutcracker had been spying the hag nextdoor. She had a new carpet and her house was messy. Donkey had learned a new sentence; No way!.

Mr Dursley tried to act normal. He climbed up to the roof and sang 'fighter'. After that he went to watch the Bold and the Beautiful with her wife. It was their favourite tv-show. Then he saw a fish flying past their window. He had to tell his wife.

"Petunia? Have you heard anything about your sister lately?"

"No.Why?" responded Petunia angry.

"People dressing up in weird clothes... Flying fish... And a turkey... I thought it might have something to do with you know... Their people." He was too scared to say he heard the name 'Potty' so he just asked:

"Their son, isn't he the same age as Donkey?"

"I think so."

"What's his name again, Bob,right?"

"Haraldmeus. Ugly name if I may add."

"Yes. I agree." The Dursleys went to bed. They both fell asleep.

The turkey sitting on his fence wasn't even blinking. It just sat there staring. It was almost midnight when it finally moved.

A Man fell straight from the sky to a huge dumbster on a streetcorner. The man was tall, and thin. He was wearing an emerald-green sweater with pink pigs on it and pink tights. His hair was dyed pink and was on an elvis-haircut.He had a red purse. He was called Albus Dumbdude.

He stood up mumbling something like: "Damn these new spells. Old ones are more accurate. A lot more."

He was trying to find something from his purse, until he noticed the turkey staring at him.

"I shoud of known." He took something from his purse. It looked like a machinegun. He pulled the trigger, and all the lights went out. He put the machinegun back and started walking towards number four. He sat next to the turkey.

"Funny to see you here, Professor McGobblegob." He smiled at the turkey which wasn't a turkey anymore, it was a woman. She was wearing a bright blue sweater with light blue tights.

"Now where the fuck have you been?! I sat here all day long!"

"Why? You could of been celebrating."

"Everyone is celebrating. The muggles will find out about us if this continues."

"Chill.You can't blame them. We had nothing to celebrate for 13 years, 23 days, 3 hours, and 54 seconds. Would you like to have a lollipop?"

"What?"

"A lollipop. It's a muggle candy."

"I'll pass. Even though The-Spooky-Dude is gone..."

"You should say his real name. Wonderman."

"Fine. Have you by the way heard the rumors? About what stopped him?" Dumbdude didn't answer.

"They say that he went to find Pottys. And that Lily and Jamie are...Are... Dead"

"True."

"Oh... Lily and Jamie... I can't believe..."

"Life's tough, get over it."

"And that's not all. They say that he tried to kill their son... But couldn't... After all those people he killed, he couldn't kill that little brat." Dumbdude just nodded.

"So it's true? But how?"

"We might never know." Albus looked at his brand new Rolex and said:

" Damn Hagrid. Always late."

"Why are you here?"

"I'll bring Haraldmeus here. To live with his aunt."

"With those horrible terrible people?!" She said pointing at the house number four.

"Yes."

"Okay." They heard a huge crash. After that they heard a huge "Damn these foreign cars!"

"Hello Hagrid."

"Hey professor Dumbdude and McGobblegob" said Hagrid. He was huge man wearing a pink dress. "I borrowed this car from Sirius Blankhead. That bastard said it was a ferrari! But it's just an old toyota painted red.Here's the kid." He threw them a pink basket.

"Thanks." In the basket was a sleeping little kid with black hair and a big W- shaped scar on his forehead.

Dumbdude took the basket, put there a fish with a note and said "Good luck, dude" and they all left. Little-Haraldmeus rolled over not-knowing that he'd wake up when Mr Dursley drives over him with his scooter and that Donkey would try to eat him for breakfest. At the same time witches and wizards everywhere made a toast for Haraldmeus Potty, The Boy Who Loves Pink!


End file.
